Jayfeather syndrome
by ruby5602
Summary: LOL what happens when Jayfeather eats capnip? Follow him on his crazy adventures! Now featuring, Torture the Warrior Cats!
1. Chapter 1

**hehe! Jayfeather's stupid! WEll not really but wen he eats catnip he is! LOL reveiw plz!**

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Chapter 1

~~~somewhere in RiverClan~~~

Jayfeather fell into a river

"HELP I CAN'T SWIM!! I'M GONNA' DROWN A WATERY DEATH!!!" He yelled.

Random RiverClan cat "Stand up retard."

Jayfeather did as told "OMG!! YOU SAVED ME!!!"

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~~~In ThunderClan camp~~~

"We will miss Ashfur he drowned in a river by WindClan he was an honored warrior. It's very sad to lose him..." Firestar said

an akward silence followed....

"STICK FIGHT!!" Jayfeather yelled throwing random sticks -except his favorite- in different directions hitting many cats.

Yowls of protest coruptted the Clan and a loud

"THAT'S MY BROTHER!!" Was heard from Lionblaze.

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~~~Hunting with: Berrynose, Firestar, and Dustpelt~~~

Firestar was stalking a mouse when Jayfeather burst out in to song

"Oh, baby, baby. Oh baby, baby. Tell me baby cause I need to know now, oh because. When i'm not with you I lose my mind! Give me a sign! Hit me baby one more time!" Jayfeather sang.

Dustpelt pitched it "My loneiless is killin' me! And I, I must confess I still believe!" He sang swinging his head but, Jayfeather sang the next verse

"Oh baby, baby. The reason I can't see! Berrynose you've blinded me!!" He sang.

Firestar yowled "STOP WITH THE GAY SONG ALREADY!!" he yelled...


	2. Chapter 2

**lol i explain this chappie at bottom!**

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chapter 2

~~~in battle between all four Clans (ShadowClan and ThunderClan vs. RiverClan and WindClan)~~~

Jayfeather came to a stop when the cats around him stopped fighting and yowled in terror

"THE SUN TURNED OFF!!" Onestar yelled

"I CAN'T SEE!! IT'S SO DARK!!" a bunch of cats screamed

"HA! NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!!" Jayfeather meowed.

Jayfeather's eyes glazed over as a vision hit him

"OHMYGAWSH WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" Jayfeather yelled frighting everyone worse

"How do you know?!" A cat asked

"DUR!! I'M A MEDICENE CAT!!" Then the she-cat screamed and ran away only to bump into a tree then she ran in a different direction bumping into another tree.

"I'M LOST!! HELP HELP I KEEP HITTING THE SAME TREE!!!" she yelled; Firestar camly walked over to her

"CALM DOWN!! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!!" He screamed in her face then she feel to the forset floor, dead

"Great StarClan can Sandstorm freak out." Firestar shook his head.

"YAY!! I turned the sun off!! Now all I have to do is find the off button to the wind!" Leopardstar cheered

"Aww darn in! It turned back on!" She said in dissapointment

"Aww now you guys aren't blind!" Jayfeather said sorrowful.

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**OK I HAVE TO GIVE CREDIT TO O CRAP CAPS OOPS ok now i have to give credit to my sister Sara! (not rlly sister but we act like it) for texting me the other day saying "HE WILL NOT!! CALM DOWN!!! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!!! *slaps* LOL we were talking about every1's gonna die cuz it warriors u no the solar ecilpse and they freaked out sayin they were going to die and stuff and how a cloud will move in front of the full moon and they think StarClan's mad at them LOL and with Goosefeather in Bluestar's prophecy the vole's fur wasn't perfect and supposaly had catmint on its flank he thought WindClan would destory them all. So ya hopefully tht sheds a little light on the subject OMG THT COMERICAL STOLE MY LINE!!!! Anyways with the Leopardstar thing wat she says well they other day at school my friend Tori was having a rlly long blonde moment or blonde day would be like it and she was mad the wind was messing up her hair so i told her 'once you turn off the sun you can find the off button for the wind.' then my other friend Shelby told her she had to wait till night for the sun to be off (Not acually off btw) so yeah hope tht clears it up a little well REVIEW PLZ!! **


	3. Chapter 3

**for the first idea give credit to Loststream plz! And don't be afraid to tell me your ideas i don't bite unless somebody gives me a rude review lol and thts a maybe on that i mite not even reply i'll me so mad**

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chapter 3

~~~In the med. Cat den~~~

Jayfeather was in his den, treambling in the corner with his eyes wide in fear.

"Jayfeather! We need poppy seeds! Go and collect some!" Leafpool ordered

"NOOO!!" He yelled; She walked in

"And why not?" She asked.

"BACK!! DON'T GET ANY CLOSER!!" Jayfeather screamed

"What?! Why not!" she said scared

"I'M AFRAID OF CATS!! THEY SCARE ME!!!" Jayfeather cowarded into the corner.

"BUT, YOUR A CAT!" Leafpool screamed

"I KNOW! THAT'S WHY I'M AFRAID!!" He aruged

"JAYFEATHER GET IT TOGHE- okay! Who keeps givin' him CATNIP!! Cause you need to stop!" Leafpool ran out of the den and her eyes searched the clearing.

Firestar snickering in his den: "HA HA! Nobody suspects me."

~~~On a border patrol with: Lionblaze, Brambleclaw, and, Cinderheart some reason~~~

Jayfeather jumped across the ShadowClan border running a few feet across

"JAYFEATHER GET BACK HERE!!!" the deputy yelled

"No! I like it here!" Jayfeather said

"Um...Brambleclaw let me handle this." Lionblaze offered walking to the very edge of the border.

"....Jayfeather...?" He asked

"Yes brother?" Jayfeather replied

"Oh Jayfeather I have your tacos." Jayfeather gasped

"Gimme'! I love the little tacos. I love them goooood!" Jayfeather cheered happily.

"No Jayfeather first come back to camp with us." Lionblaze bargened

"OKAY!" Jayfeather agreed...

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**i got tht last part of Invader Zim lol **


	4. Chapter 4

**um somebody review me to do something like this idk his/her log in name or if he/she is even a member oh well Me 2 gave me this idea**

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chapter 4

~~~on the way to the gathering~~~

It was a full moon and ThunderClan was walking to the gathering.

Jayfeather was walking calmly beside Cinderheart, Lionblaze, Berrynose, and Leafpool.

They jumped on the tree-bridge and sat down beside WindClan and ShadowClan.

Suddenly Jayfeather jumped into the Big Oak Tree where the leaders annonced the reports

"EXCUSE ME CLANS!!! I have an annoncment!" Every cat looked up at him and started whispering

"Hello! I am Jayfeather medicene cat of ThunderClan! And I love toaster waffles!!!" He yelled

"WHAT THE HECK ARE THOSE!?" some random RiverClan cat screamed.

Firestar clawed his way up the tree making Jayfeather get out

"Sorry Clans! Some how he found Catnip and ate it we have no idea how he found it though." He apologized

"WAIT! MY PET UNICORN IS PURPLE!!!" Jayfeather said padding away from the tree...

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**lol again I say ideas r welcomed :) Bulletgirl12 is busy this weekend and cant txt me so it sux bad**


	5. Chapter 5

chapter 5

~~~In the tunnels (before Hollyleaf dies)~~~

Jayfeather ran through the tunnels untill he spotted a certain cat.

Jayfeather rushed toward Fallen Leaves

"HEY! Fallen Leaves whaz up?!" He asked the tom didn't reply

"So... why are you down here anyways?" No reply

"H-HEY!! ANSWER ME!!"

Jayfeather yelled in his face.

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME!! I LOVE YOU TALK TO ME!! I SAVED THIS STICK SO I COULD TALK TO YOU!!" He screamed

"Okay! One I don't love you back. Two i'm trying to think! And three where do you get that dang Catnip!" Fallen Leaves meowed back

"Finally! You talked to me! I thought you were shunning me." Jayfeather attmitted.

Fallen Leaves smirked

"Shun." Jayfeather's eyes streched wide

"W-what?" He asked

"Shun.." He repeated

"N-no! You can't shun me! I'm unshunable!" He screeched.

"*tiny voice*....Shun...." Jayfeather screamed

"NOOOO!!!" Jayfeather yelled running around in a circle.

"...." Jayfeather looked at him

"Don't you dare. I'll break your stick!" He threatened

".....Shun....."

Jayfeather woke up and snapped the stick in his jaws laughing histarically....


	6. Chapter 6

**this idea was givin to me by Me Squared also she/he was the person who gave me the idea for chapter 4! *claps* THX for reveiwing and sharing ideas!**

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chapter 6

The medicene cats were walking in peaceful silence towards the Moonpool.

Jayfeather rested beside Leafpool and they lapped at the water.

All the medicene cats ended up in the same place; in the woods with their previous leaders in front of them.

"Medicene cats. Welcome." Bluestar's voice rang; Jayfeather started to get bored.

Uh oh It's bad enough when he's on catnip but, if he's bored and on catnip!

Thats a dangerious combonation.

"I'm gonna' be a mighty king, so enemies beware!" He sang

'Well, I've never seen a king with quite so little hair." A ShadowClan leader pointed out

"I'm gonna' be the main event, like no king was before. I'm brushing up on looking down. I'm working on my roar!" Suddenly Jayfeather hissed and waved his tail in everyone's face.

He hummed some then continued singing

"No one saying 'do this,' no one saying 'be there,' No one saying stop that! No one saying see here!" He yelled at Hailstar.

"Free to run around all day! Free to do it all my way!" Jayfeather screamed.

Willowshine leaned over to Bluestar to whisper

"What does this sign mean?" Bluestar jumped up

"IT MEANS JAYFEATHER'S HAD CATNIP, RUN!!"

then all the cats woke up except Jayfeather and they all carefully backed away from him before pelting away...

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**everyone who reviews gets a cookie! if you want Nxt chapter i gotta get at least 5 reveiws! **


	7. Chapter 7

**as i promised cookies! Bulletgirl12 gets 1, Micaela dermody gets 1, Akashiya Kayuki gets 2, and Loststream gets 4!!! YAY! **

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chapter 7

Jayfeather was sitting alone in the forest drinking an Amp.

Or so he thought; Ashfur was creeping up behind him stalking Jayfeather like a mouse.

"La la la i'm so happy! I'm so happy!" Jayfeather sang

"GIMME!" Ashfur said jumping for the Amp.

Ashfur drank the rest of Jayfeather's Amp and he was frowning

"You shouldn't of done that. Prepare for the singing!" Ashfur's eyes widened in curiousity.

"I GOTTA POCKET GOT A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE! I got a love, and I know that it's all mine. Oh, whoa." Jayfeather sang reaching for the sun

"NO NOT THE SUNSHINE!!" Ashfur yowled

"Do what you want, but you're never gonna' break me! Sticks and stones are never gonna' shake me. No, whoa." He sang some more.

"NO!! I'M MELTING!" Ashfur said his fur turning into the grass

"Take him away! A secret place! A sweet escape! Take him away! Take him away! To better days! Take him away, a higher place!" Ashfur melted into the grass leaving nothing living in the process.

"Crap. Oh well i'll just tell Firestar he was emo." Jayfeather said padding away happily to the Clan...

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**hehe! Reveiw plz i luv wen i come home from school and i have 13 new emails and 5 new reviews which i need if u want the nxt chappie!**


	8. Chapter 8

**hehe amazing how flowers can remind u of something...**

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chapter 8

Jaypaw was waiting for his medicene cat name.** (He's getting it at home in ThunderClan)**

"Jaypaw. From this moment on your new name is Jayfeather." Firestar announced the Clan started yowling his name.

But, Lionblaze was heard above all

"YAY GAYFEATHER!" He yelled toms started instently backing away from Jayfeather

"Yeah i'm gay you got a problem!?" He screamed Dustpelt stayed where he was.

"I LOVE YOU GAYFEATHER!!" Jayfeather looked shocked

"I love Berrynose not _you!"_ Dustpelt's face fell as he sighed amd walked away

"I love Honeyfern not _you!" _Berrynose screeched

"AWW!!" Jayfeather said...

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**belive it or not there is a flower called Gayfeather and i yelled out turing class JAYFEATHER!!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8

Jayfeather was lying in the forest humming, for no reason at all.

All-of-a-sudden he burst into spontanious combustion and ran around screaming;

Lionblaze was sitting under a tree watching his own brother burn to death.

"Good." He said

"DUDE! I'M BURNING OVER HERE!!" Jayfeather yelled running in circles.

Then suddenly Jayfeather burned to ashes

"Yes! Just me now!" Lionblaze yelled but, before he could high-tail it back to camp Jayfeather poofed right in front of him in a cloud of smoke.

"How the freak did you do that!?" Lionblaze screeched

"I'm one of the three. I cannot die Lionblaze..." Jayfeather said darkly, padding off to camp but whispered

"Seven days...." then Lionblaze, stupidly started running around franticly not remembering he's one of the three...

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**ok i was playing True Stick figure death (cant member if it was 1 or 2...) and it said "Spontainous combustion" And i was craking up wen it died and then nxt day at school i went up 2 Bulletgirl12 and was like "I'm going to make Jayfeather burst into spontanious combustion." She was ROFL Review plz!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thx Zeldalinkwannabe! Sry it took long 2 update! And sry if this chapter kinda sucks i was working fast so whoever keeps rewiewing 'Make nxt one!' would stop tht.**

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Chapter

Jayfeather was walking across the border into unclaimed territory.

"Starbucks? What the [censored] is that?" he said running into the little store

"B-blackstar?!" he yelled looking at the ShadowClan leader behind the cash register.

"Hello! Welcome to Starbucks can I take your order?" Blackstar asked

"Order? What do you sell?" Jayfeather replied

"Well we got: Coffee, Lattes, Muffins, Cookies, Water, Cake, Dead birds, Pizza, An old banana peel, A picture of a dog and a worm." He said.

"Oh, um i'll take the picture of the dog, the worm, and a... Muffin!"Jayfeather replied.

"Okay... That'll be four rocks!" Blackstar said. Jayfeather handed him some dirt

"Good enough." Blackstar said eating the dirt.

**~82 Second later!~**

"Number Six-forty!" Blackstar called; Jayfeather ran up and grabbed his bag of stuff and sat down on a cushion.

Jayfeather started eating his muffin when he saw Lionblaze making kissy faces at Jayfeather's stick

"Oh. My. Jashin." **(Lol Hidan from Naruto Shippuden says this all the time so i had to make Jayfeather say it. No offenses Jasinests)**

Fallen Leafs: ECHOO-!

*stick noises*

Fallen Leafs: I can never finish a sen-!

"BERRYNOSE!" Jayfeather yowled; Berrynose turned around

"I LOVE that pelt! it looks sooo good on you!" Jayfeather screetched; Lionblaze knocked over a glass table.

Jayfeather didn't notice; Lion slowly backed away from Starbucks

"*gasp* LIONBLAZE!!! H-HOW COULD YOU!!!! M-MY STICKY-WICKY POO!!!!!!!!" Jayfeather cried.

"Untill next time Jayfeather. Untill next time." Lionblaze said poofing away, magicly.

"Wow! Lionblaze is a Wizard!"

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** A wizard like in Harry Potter i can't remember wat it's called wen they just poof away Apparte i think? Anyways REWIEW PLZ!! Got 2 have at least 6 reveiws untill nxt time! O and ideas plz!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ok Cookies! You guys can vote who you want to give out cookies! Oh, and we're going to start toruting the Warrior cats! Give me who and what you want me to do to them! Everytime you torture Goosefeather, Pinestar, Hawkfrost, Tigerstar, or Ashfur then a Hamster will Make rainbow kittens!**

**Cookie cats! Vote for who you want to give out CookieS!!!**

**A) Firestar**

**B) Jayfeather**

**C) Leafpool**

**D) Hollyleaf**

**E) Harry Potter**

**Discalimer: I own nothing...**

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Chapter 11

Jayfeather raced arcross the RiverClan border, headed for their camp.

Jayfeaher yowled and many RiverClan warriors shot out of dens.

"What?! The ThunderClan Medicene Cat?!" Leapordstar hissed

"What do _you_ want?!" A random cat yelled

"I forgot to... Tell Willowshine Hi!" Willowshine looked at him as though he was crazy.

"NO! WILLOWSHINE!"

Jayfeather yelled as four RiverClan warriors took him away

"WILLLOWSHINE I LOVE YOU!!!" He yowled.

"How is he still a Medicene cat?" Mothwing meowed

"Dude. I thought he was gay." Hollyleaf said to Lionblaze

"Wow! When you get here? You see her get here?" he asked Berrynose; He shook his head.

"Well, only one thing we, as two of the three, can do." Hollyleaf said.

"And what's that my dear sister?" Lionblaze asked

"Set fire to kits." Hollyleaf smiled.

"YES!!" He said running into RiverClan's Nursery; taking three kits all meowing.

"Say hello to a firey death!" Hollyleaf said.

**This part of the Story is violent for most readers. So here's a word from our sponsers.**

"Please note that no kittens were harmed during this fanfic.... Only set on fire I assure you they did not die quickly."

**okay... Now a random moment in the kit's burning.**

"Burn baby burn!" Lionblaze screamed.

**Thank-you Lionblze. Now untill next time! Good-Bye! **

**ok well the idea of ther Willowshinee i forgott to say hi! was from Wolfgirl666 Thank-You! And the "Wow wen did you get here?" That is from the movie Harry Potter and the prisomer of Azkaban! Thank-you Harry Potter ! the "Set fire to kits" THis is from a book called 'Killing mr. Griffen' this guy set fire to a cat... So yeah, Review plz!**


	12. Chapter 12

**thanks for being so patient guys! So now i combined two ideas. The Jayfeather, oh i won't spoil see you at the bottom. ^^**

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Chapter 12

Jayfeather was sitting down reading Twilght.

He gasped,

"OMG! Edward sparkles! He needs to leave Bella...! For me."

He said with a purr.

"I want to sparkle!" He whinned.

"Gaaaay!" Lionblaze yelled from nowwhere.

"Shut up, it's called Guy Love!" He yelled.

"Tree! Make me sparkle! T-Tree! Nooo! Don't leave!" Jayfeather screamed, stepping into the sunlight.

He gasped, his pelt ws covered in sparkles,

"Oh my StarClan! I'm Sparkl- AHH! IT BURNS! OW OHMYGAWSH! THIS HURTS!" He yelled running out of the sunlight.

He started to cry by a pond,

"No fair. Edward doesn't burn... Or does he? Whatever werewo-" He cut off looking at his refection.

"Hi, handsome. What's u-" He cut off again.

"Stop talking when i'm talking!" He yelled at his refection.

He frowned and clawed at the water,

"Ha take that!" He said in victory.

He walked back to his Twilight book and saw a Griffin snatch it out of the sky.

Jayfeather's jaw dropped he ran over and looked up at the Griffin,

"HEY! Give me the damn book before someone gets hurt! I'll unleash my Jayfeather powers on you, bird!" He yelled.

The 'Bird' dropped the book on LionBlaze's head who fell to the ground.

Jayfeather laughed and started jumping up and down, "I've got mail! I can Sparkle! But it buuuurns!" He said; Cinderheart appeared out of nowwhere and slapped him,

"Shut the [censored] up! You [censored] little [censored] [beep] [beep] [beep] Twilght!" She screamed in his face. Jayfeather started crying again,

"WAHHHH! Mommy!" He yelled before him and Cinderheart started making out.

**And Jayfeather lived happily ever after.**

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**Jk! Lol okay the 'Jayfeather Obbsessed with Twilight' thing is from Hollyleaf_Hater2410 the Griffin, Cinderheart, yelling, making out thing is from Ospreypaw. Thank you! Reveiw plz! Oh and i am a Twilght fan so i hope no Twilght Fans mob me . **


	13. Chapter 13

**It's been sooo long, Audince! I've had some major Writer's Block... And plus, I've been busy. Sorry for the fail in this chapter. I tried, I really did...I will probably contiune on with the Chat-world of warriors if you guys like it. Leave a comment, favorite, and I will see YOU at the bottom. ;D**

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**Jayfeather Chatting, what happens when every Warrior has a computer and are all chatting online?**

**Usernames on left, warrior who is that username on right.**

**Beiberfever=Jayfeather.**

**FireBurnin45=Lionblaze.**

**Ashfur=Hollyleaf.**

**WTF?=Ashfur.**

**Spottedwuv=Firestar.**

**Sandstorm= Sandstorm.**

**Brambleflight=Squirrelflight.**

**Squirrelclaw=Brambleclaw.**

**~On with the funny~**

*Beiberfever has logged on.*

Ashfur: O.M.G JB!

Beiberfever: No... just a big fan of his. Ashfur, I didn't know you liked him...

Ashfur: It's me, Hollyleaf.

Beiberfever: O.O Why is your user Ashfur?

*WTF? has logged on.*

Ashfur: Because I luvvv him...

WTF?: Who stole my username? Ashfur, who are you?

*Ashfur has logged off.*

WTF?: Who was that?

Beiberfever: My sister...lol...

WTF?: IDK who your sister is, who are you?

Beiberfever: My mommy said not to give personal infomation about me to others on the internet. *smile*

WTF?: For StarClan's sake...Tell me!

Beiberfever: Don't y-yell at me... *cries.*

WTF?: Sorry...

*Brambleflight has logged on.*

Brambleflight: Why are you harrasing my kit?

WTF?: Your kit? Who are you?

Brambleflight: Squirrelflight, who are you?

WTF?: ...I'm Ashfur...*glomps Squirrelflight*

Brambleflight: GAHHHH! Get off you creeper! *runs away*

*Squirrelclaw logged on.*

Brambleflight: Help, Brambleclaw! Ashfur's hugging me!

*Squirrelclaw logged off.*

WTF?: Oh sh-t!

*WTF? Has been disconnected.*

*Sandstorm logged on.*

*Ashfur has logged on*

Brambleflight: ooh, all us she-cats are on! Let's play Would you Rather!

Ashfur: oooh, okay!

Sandstorm: Fine.

Brambleflight: Okay, me first! Sandstorm would you rather...be mates with Jayfeather or watch Spottedleaf and Firestar make-out once?

Sandstorm: ...I can't lie?

Brambleflight: Nope.

Sandstorm: Be mates with Jayfeather.

Brambleflight: ...O.o...

Beiberfever: Yay! I'm loved! :D

Sandstorm: Fu-k...

*Sandstorm has logged off*

Beiberfever: Hey, I don't like she-cats anyways!

Ashfur:... Okay... um, Brambleflight, would you rather kill Brambleclaw or be mates with Onestar?

Brambleflight: Kill Brambleclaw.

*Squirrelclaw has logged on(right when Squirrelflight replied.)*

Squirrelclaw: W-what? T_T

Brambleflight: T-then I wouldn't have to cheat on you, Brambleclaw!

Squirrelclaw: *sniffles* O-okay.

Brambleflight: *gives him cookie*

Squirrelclaw: Yaaaay. *eats.*

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**Did you survive that fail of a update? You did? Great! Noooow, the reason I've been so busy is because of this new role-play-chat-like site of Warriors. It's aweso****me, I love it. The Clans are, StreamClan, DuskClan, DawnClan, and BreezeClan. BreezeClan needs a Queen, very badly. There's a new kit and there's not a queen. DuskClan, DawnClan, and BreezeClan are in need of desperate members. Please join them, Medicene Cat and Deputy spots are open in those three Clans. I'm Iceheart on there, a female queen. I won't tell you which Clan. Here's the link(Just copy and paste it to the Adress bar and click enter. It should take you to the home-page. ^^)**

**Okay, I see the link disappeared. (forgot about Fanfiction's anti-link thing/rule.) Sooo, I'll paste it on my profile.**


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